The greatest lie in the history of religion is that God is a bearded old bloke sitting in the clouds judging us. It’s equally dualistic to believe that God is a woman. Even though we all came to Earth through the miracle of our mother’s womb, God is neither masculine nor feminine, but both.
Another dangerous distortion is that we need a priest, minister, rabbi or pope to mediate our relationship to God/Goddess. Whenever an organization mandates that we need any person beyond our self, it is disempowering to our innate and direct connection to Source. Tantra teaches us that we are extensions of the divine, and that we are perfect, whole and complete as we are.
OK, so if I’m a part of God, why am I so addicted to the Internet? Why does my heart hurt when I think of my ex? Why do I have such a weakness for chocolate? Because we are also human. We’re part God and part human. But here’s the catch: It’s all God. Even the guilt, shame and fear. Even the blood, piss and shit. The judgment, insecurity and unconscious sex. It’s all divine.
The only way to experience life’s perfection is to wake up. Wake up to who you really are. Wake up to your own wholeness and completeness. This chapter offers the necessary tools to transform the most fundamental wound within each individual, which is the illusion that we need somebody outside ourself to be complete.
The following pages are an initiation into Shamanic practices of embracing your inner masculine and inner feminine. Gods and Goddesses are self-sufficient — we don’t depend on anyone else for our power and pleasure. You are your own other half — don’t let a partner, or lack of one, prevent you from experiencing the magic and love that is within.
YIN-YANG
The Taoist concept of Yin-Yang is perhaps the best visual representation of the way feminine and masculine energies dance together to form the universe. The circular symbol consists of two equal portions, each containing an element of the other, illustrating the light within the dark and the dark within the light. Yin and Yang are the paradoxical energies that harmonize and battle within every organic system. The literal translation of Yin-Yang is two mutually correlated opposites, such as heaven and earth. This concept of unity in duality represents the paradoxical nature of the universe not only in the cosmos but also in each of us.
YIN: YANG:
Earth and water Air and fire
Feminine Masculine
Lunar Solar
Dark Light
Moist Dry
Cool Warm
Diffuse Directed
Vague Focused
Intuitive Logical
Passive Productive
Receptive Active
Internal External
SHIVA-SHAKTI
In Tantric cosmology the whole universe was created because of the erotic interplay of Lord Shiva and Goddess Shakti. Shiva is the principle of awakened consciousness wheras Shakti is the principle of creative power. More personally, Shiva is the masculine and Shakti is the feminine within each of us and throughout creation. The symbolic representation of their sacred union is the Yab-Yum position, which translates to Mother-Father Pose. In Yab-Yum, the woman (Shakti) straddles the man (Shiva) and sits on his lap while he sits cross-legged in lotus position in a deep meditation. The masculine form is passive and the feminine is active. United, the individuals are able to overcome the veils of illusion and false duality.
Shiva, the divine masculine principle, is often depicted as the supreme yogi sitting naked, “clothed in the universe”; or wearing a tiger skin, sitting in meditation under the tree of life or on his bull, Nandi. He is also called the destroyer and the supreme lord. Shiva holds a trident that represents the Hindu trinity. He is in a continual state of Samadhi or nirvana. Shiva embodies the principle of spirit consciousness and space. Represented by the Shiva lingam or a stone phallus, he is the stage upon which the play of life dances.
Three times when Kamala Devi was in ecstatic worship, she had the experience of being visited by Shiva. He appeared naked with ash all over his body, long dark dreadlocks and a huge unwavering erection.
Shakti is the personification of the divine feminine. She embodies the creative, active and powerful, yet she has receptive qualities. Shakti means sacred force, power or energy. She is infinite in her forms: Adya Shakti is the primordial power, Uma Shakti is the divine mother, Kundalini Shakti is the serpent in the spine, Maya Shakti is the creator of illusion and our physical reality, Parvati Shakti is Shiva’s loyal wife or consort, and Kali Shakti is the fierce protector and destroyer.
SHIVA SHAKTI
Masculine Feminine
Un-manifest Manifest
Formless Formed
Consciousness Energy
Changeless Change
Truth Illusion
Ardhanarisvara is the Tantric androgyne. Andros (man) and gyne (woman) come from Greek and imply a combination of both male and female qualities. This God/Goddess is the embodiment of the hermaphrodite archetype. The left side of his/her body is female with a breast, rounded hips and half a yoni, whereas the right side of his/her body is male with a Shiva lingam and one testicle. S/he symbolizes the balanced union between Shiva and Shakti, the active and the passive. S/he is the bisexual lover who can give and receive pleasure simultaneously.
Studying various Gods and Goddesses can deepen our understanding of their energetic qualities. Poring over images of archetypes, dancing, drawing and making offerings to these deities can further activate our connection to their teachings. For example, if we establish a special relationship with Quan Yin, the Goddess of mercy, we become more in touch with the quality of compassion. If we make an altar to Laxmi, the Goddess of abundance, we may be surprised by newfound financial independence. Praying to Krishna before each meal may fill our life with divine love.
True Tantric practice doesn’t worship the Gods and Goddesses as if they existed outside of us — it allows the Gods and Goddesses to awaken the divine spark within.
Jungian anima-animus
Carl Gustav Jung made a major contribution to modern psychology when he presented the idea that the human psyche has both masculine and feminine components. Jung believed that human beings are psychologically androgynous with latent inner energies awaiting development. He called the inner feminine component the anima and the inner masculine the animus. He studied ancient alchemist treatises, which suggested that the biblical story of Adam and Eve was a parable to illustrate that within every man is a Goddess of his creation.
The anima and animus have both positive and negative qualities. For example, a positive anima (divine feminine) is tender, patient, considerate and compassionate. Negative anima (wounded feminine) is vain, moody, bitchy and controlling. A positive animus (divine masculine) is direct, rational, assertive and strong, whereas a negative animus (wounded masculine) is opinionated, mean and argumentative.
These qualities appear not only in the individual but also in the collective. Culturally, our unhealthy masculine shows up as the ego that wants to continue in self-importance and righteousness. He will unconsciously gather evidence, distort, select and provoke others to support a story that perpetuates the wound of his inner feminine. Together, the unhealthy masculine and the wounded feminine enact a vicious cycle of toxic shame that binds us in powerlessness.
These qualities cry out for healing. There is a deep collective calling for wholeness. The only way to break free from this prison is through willingness, compassion and empowered communication. We must gather our personal power and evoke divine support to instigate change and choice.
When the undeveloped aspects of our personality are given conscious attention and are accepted, they begin to heal. Developing this shadow side is necessary to become fulfilled as human beings.
A SHAMANIC PERSPECTIVE
A Shaman is a healer who straddles both the spiritual world and the physical world. A true Shaman embodies both the feminine and the masculine, fully. Shamans call on spirit guides to assist them in rituals and in learning the healing arts.
In the landmark book The Invisible Partners, John Sanford writes about how male Shamans call on female spirit guides who may act like a spirit wife to him. From a Jungian perspective, it’s as if the Shaman cultivates a special relationship to the other half of his or her personality to the degree that it becomes a real living presence. In Shamanism, Mircea Eliade says, “A spirit wife says to her Shaman husband, ‘I love you, I have no husband now, you will be my husband and I shall be a wife unto you and I shall teach and help you myself.’ The Shaman comments, ‘She has been coming to me ever since and I slept with her as with my own wife.’”
Baba Dez underwent a deep process of reclaiming his lost inner feminine during his Shamanic training. Here’s how Dez tells the story:
“It all started when I realized something was missing in my life. There was a feeling of separation, pain and suffering. As a man in this society, I was scared to feel. That’s what the unhealthy masculine does: he denies the importance of the emotions. The emotional body is our connection to the divine feminine. The ego says, I’m fine, I’m great, and if anyone tells me that I’m not, I’m going to fight them to the death, or run away.
“That’s what propelled me on my Shamanic reunion with my divine feminine. I began the total integration process with Diamond & River Jameson. We practiced Shamanic trance, dance, screaming, shaking, vibrating, eye blinking and finger tapping and doing different movements that would pull me out of my head and into my belly and body. These practices kept the mind busy with motor tasks so that I could shift out of normal consciousness into a state of expanded consciousness.
“That’s how I started to feel everything that I hadn’t been willing or able to feel in my life. And perhaps even past lives and/or genetic memory.
“So I gave myself permission to feel everything this culture has conditioned me to avoid, especially rage, anger, sadness and grief. Sometimes memories from my past would come up, and sometimes not. Sometimes I was feeling and moving through all the pain, suffering, anger and rage of all the women who have been blamed and exterminated for centuries, or the fear and guilt of the perpetrators. Whatever came up I let it move through my physical body, my emotional body and deepen my capacity to witness and feel. These practices started to build my power. Our power is directly linked to our ability to feel. When I finally had built enough power, I could consciously call her back. I’d say to my feeling body, ‘I’m sorry. I need you. I’m powerless without you.’ The more I opened up to my emotional body, the more power I felt. The more power I had, the more she came back to me.
“Initially, the process is difficult and painful. When I was calling back my dispossessed feminine I was terrified. When she first came back she was pissed off. She had to move through layers of stored anger, victimization and resentment for all the years I didn’t support her. That’s what the wounded feminine looks like: she has the potential to hold a grudge and she has the ability to be relentlessly punishing. But, eventually, as I supported her and consistently held space, she started to heal and release. And even though it was hard at first, my nervous system eventually reprogrammed and I started seeing more and more magic and ease. Now it’s a joy. I call out loud with increasing power, ‘Bring it on, bring it back, and come home to me!’ I savor the process and look forward to bringing in the next pieces.”
EXERCISE #14: Inner Marriage.
Our belated friend and associate, Robert Frey, initiated Kamala Devi into the following Shamanic visualization exercise:
PREPARATION: take a relaxing bath or shower and dress your body in your favorite garments. Even though you will be doing this exercise alone, you want to prepare as if you were going on a date with your beloved.
METHOD: Now lie down, relax and start to breath into the left side of your body. Notice all the sensations you have on your left side. This is your masculine. Visualize in your mind’s eye, or write quickly in your journal. Be honest. And don’t judge anything that comes up.
1. What does your inner God look like?
2. What color are his eyes and hair?
3. What is his body type?
4. What kind of things does he say?
5. What is he wearing?
6. What is he holding?
7. Where is he passionate about?
8. What kind of lover is he?
9. How does he react to any given situation?
10. How much space can he hold?
Now drop back into meditation. Breathe into the right side of your body. Begin to feel into your feminine. Ask yourself:
1. What does your inner Goddess look like?
2. What color are her eyes and hair?
3. What is her body type?
4. What kind of things does she say?
5. What is she wearing?
6. What is she holding?
7. What is she passionate about?
8. What kind of lover is she?
9. How does she react to any given situation?
10. How safe does she feel?
The intention behind this work is integration, not separation. The first time you do this exercise you may find that it’s more challenging to visualize one side or another. You may find that your male is like an angry teenager or your female is shy and coy. As you repeat this practice and continue to do this work, your inner masculine and inner feminine evolve and become healthier.
Once you’ve personified your inner God and Goddess, you’re ready to have them meet each other. Begin to visualize a safe and beautiful place in nature, like a park or beach that is fond and familiar to you. Imagine a romantic picnic spread with all your favorite foods. Notice the details, such as what color the plates are, or the liquid in the glasses, or the flowers in the centerpiece. Invite your inner masculine and feminine to show up to share the meal together.
1. How do your inner God and Goddess feel about each other?
2. What do your inner God and Goddess say to each other?
3. If your inner God were to give a gift to your inner Goddess, what would it be?
4. If your inner Goddess were to give a gift to your inner God, what would it be?
5. What do the gifts symbolize?
When you’ve concluded the session, you can have them thank each other and say goodbye, for now.
This exercise is meant to open an ongoing dialog between your feeling body, which is your feminine, and your thinking body, which is your masculine. You can revisit this exercise as many times as you like, for as long as you like.
ADDITIONAL NOTES: A lot of people start this work thinking their inner Goddess is going to be sweet and happy and that she’s going to look like Cindy Crawford. That may be what their ideal woman looks like, but your inner feminine is not necessarily your ideal. When you do this exercise, the challenge is to hold space for whatever is real.
When Baba Dez first started this work, he found that his inner feminine wouldn’t even talk to him. She was so angry for all the years she had been denied that she didn’t even want to connect. With patience and willingness, he would listen and hold her until she finally understood that he was not going to ignore or leave her.
Kamala Devi’s inner feminine was an enormous Hawaiian mama. She was so fat that she was disabled and she couldn’t use her legs. Kamala thought, Is this really what I look like inside? That can’t be me! Kamala wanted to disown her. But the more Kamala was able to hold space for the truth, the more her inner feminine began to transform. Each cycle became more transformative, and now her inner feminine is a fully expressed Goddess.
HEALTHY MALE AND FEMALE
The healthy masculine does three primary things: he witnesses without judgment, he creates safety and he holds space. It’s important to note that all three are qualities of being, not doing. Action comes in response to his feeling. The healthy man stands fully present, with one hand on his heart and the other on his sword. All he wants is to create communion, and for everyone to be in peace. To this end, he is ruthless in his witnessing, creating of safety, and holding of space. According to the Toltec teachings, these are the attributes of a warrior: sweet, cunning, patient, ruthless, responsible and able to respond — not react — as reaction is a trait of unhealthy masculine. So when he’s living in a place of harmony he is not distracted.
The healthy feminine feels deeply and vibrates with warm, attractive energy. Like a magnet, she is powerful. She’s the power behind his sword. She is what he holds space for and responds to. She is the womb of all creation.
To sum up the relationship between the healthy masculine and the healthy feminine, Baba Dez has often been heard saying, “If every man gazed into the eyes of a woman giving birth, there would be no war.”
With the exception of the biological functions involved in birthing a baby, men and women are essentially equal in mental capacity and can fulfill all the same social roles and behaviors. It eventually becomes futile to keep looking for differences between the masculine and feminine. With greater, more integrated awareness we realize that we can’t have one without the other. The more enlightened we become, the more we begin to move toward the androgynous ideal. We become so integrated in our being that we’re able to choose from the full spectrum of human experience and behavior, rather than being limited to the roles traditionally associated with our particular gender.
When men get in touch with their inner feminine, women will no longer be a mystery to them. They will find it easier to understand their wants and needs. And, of course, when women get in touch with their inner masculine, they will begin to relate better to men. Women who do this work are likely to manifest a man who’s in touch with and will honor his feminine. This work helps us all attract and recognize a partner who’s really ready to meet us.
ETHERIC LINGAM AND YONI
Have you ever been in the act of making love and experienced an intuitive hit that you know what it would feel like to be the opposite sex? Many women report feeling like they are penetrating their partners. And men sometimes experience what it’s like to “take it” from their more active lovers. These energetic experiences are evidence of what we call etheric genitals. Within every woman there is an energetic lingam and testicles; within every man there is an energetic yoni, womb and breasts.
Though these experiences often happen by accident or only in certain circumstances, we can consciously cultivate a relationship with our etheric genitals and enhance our capacity for sexual pleasure and sexual empathy. Owning and activating the etheric lingam and yoni can lead to higher levels of sexual wholeness.
We live in a patriarchal culture that is violently out of balance and we don’t want to perpetuate this discrepancy. Therefore, the following practices must be done with caution. There are many powerful career women walking around with a wounded feminine shadow. There are just as many emasculated men who don’t have the capacity to hold space. The growth edge for these individuals is to first reclaim and heal their primary gender before integrating the bodies of their inner opposites.
For those who are ready to own their etheric bodies, we caution that these advanced gender-bending practices must be done in moderation and with the intention of integration. It is highly recommended that this work be done under the guidance and facilitation of a sacred sexual healer.
This abbreviated excerpt is taken from chapter Twelve
of Sacred Sexual Healing: The SHAMAN Method of Sex Magic
by Baba Dez Nichols and Kamala Devi.
No portion of this article may be re-printed without permission.
This abbreviated excerpt is taken from chapter Twelve
of Sacred Sexual Healing: The SHAMAN Method of Sex Magic
by Baba Dez Nichols and Kamala Devi.
No portion of this article may be re-printed without permission.
